My Love

    As I wondered what life held for me I was thrown back in time to my younger days when my love ran free with the man of my dreams. We were as one all through high school and life was great. There was nothing that could ever stop us with our plans for the future..Nothing except stupidity and young uncontrollable tempers and quick fuses, mostly on my part..All our plans were thrown away on careless and hurtful written words and way too many years were wasted on trying to make do with what was thought to be a deserved way of life. Life had become like a badly written novel with several bad chapters of anger, drinking, hurt, and wrong decisions. The only good thing out of it all are the children that were given as a gift of love from God to provide a reason to continue on with this life.. Even after a time though even they did not seem to be enough to keep me grounded. Then I open a yearbook and there was that picture of times lone gone, but the emotion were back ,fresh and clear. The questions started flooding my senses and realization of needing to know some answers to questions and needing to find the one that had always found a way into my thoughts and still had a hold on my heart for the past twenty-six years and know that he at least made it back safe. The name was typed into the search bar and the list was long, but the same picture was at the top of the list again. Is it worth another try to see if my love made it back or is the risk of flooding emotion and another heartbreak too much to handle? Something tells me to take the chance and it was taken..He made it back and the response was short and to the point, but just knowing that he was alive was a relief. The next response said more than just a hello..Confusion, unknowing of what happened, and best of all a sense of some love was still in his words. The feeling of total friendship was still there, in between the lines of what we spoke to each other. The feeling of total trust hit full and hard as did the knowing that I still love this man beyond belief after all these years. After our typed words were done for the evening they were read and reread several times before the wall around some closeted emotion crumbled and a long night followed of trying to pull things back together. It wasn't long before contact was made again and then it was like the connection was never down. The first time his voice reached my ears was another slam through the heart because it sounded like it did before. How could what we had been let go so easily when after all this time the feelings were still there, buried deep within my soul? Why did it take so long for us to find each other again? As that sweet sound trickled through the phone it was earth shattering to know that if he had been free the door would be opened for him to come back home. The wall wall trying to shatter as much as it was trying to be kept in place. Then talks turned to the unhappiness that was consuming both of us, in past life and in current life, and the path we need to take became clear. The love poured through the phone in his words and the choice of what was next for us became clearer. The first meeting after so many years was about to happen and the nerves were totally unsteady, but the need to have my heart return to me was stronger. The need to be there and be strong for him and love him as before, unconditionally, was so strong that nothing could have prevented me from falling all over again. The first eye contact said it all. Love. Total love. It was there, plain to see in those eyes that always mesmerized me. The love felt within wanted to jump out and just latch on then, but the need to protect the heart was still lingering within as well. Then those beautiful hands touch mine, there went a piece of that wall. They felt strong and gentle at the same time. They felt just like they had never left me. The first kiss was so electrifying that the need to be back in those arms that were wanted for so long took hold and would not let go. The need to feel that body close again was to strong and had to quenched. It was obvious. Never again would my heart be without the love of it's life. It would not survive without its soul mate. Could he possibly feel as strong about this? The love we made told me yes, he could. Our lives were so connected, even in distance we seemed to have travel very similar paths. Now those paths are intertwined and the hope that they stay that way is strong within the soul that has found what it was missing. A month and a few weeks later the wall of protection is no longer needed where the love of the heart is concerned. It is still there for others but for my soul mate, it is gone. The total trust and unconditional love once felt for this man, the man of my dreams for the past thirty years, is once again in place. It will be there forever more, to love,hold,and always cherish what was once mine and is again, his love. The love felt within is so strong that just the sight of him consumes my heart to the point of a want that has never been quenched except by this same man from a time long gone and once again here for me to have forever within my arms.